This year, on Aug. 14th, 2010, we are hosting the first annual “Q for the Cure”  BBQ cook off at Community Park in Lisle, IL. The idea is to invite all BBQ restaurants in the state of IL. as well as amateur back yard cookers to compete for the best BBQ in IL. This is a one day event. We have many entrants already and my feeling is, the more cookers the better. Trophies and prize money will be awarded to the winners of each division. We have entertainment all day long in the form of several bands and comedians. There will be a silent auction with vacation packages already donated as well as golf outings, electronics, dinner, and hotel stays. (We’re working on the airlines for flight vouchers). This event would not be possible without your generosity. 100% of all proceeds will be donated to three organizations that do the most in helping the victims and their families cope with this killer. They are:                                                                             

The Breast Cancer Society - www.breastcancersociety.org

Gildas Club Chicago - www.gildasclubchicago.org

Sisters Network, Inc. - www.sistersnetworkchicagochapter.org

Breast cancer affects one out of every eight women that live to be 80. If you have not been affected by breast cancer yet, statistics say you will sometime in the near future. At anytime this disease can creep into the lives of your wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, co-worker, friend, and yes, even you. Breast cancer does not discriminate. Both men and women have been taken from us by this disease. The “Q for the Cure” is the one effort that we men can make for our precious women and ourselves.

If anyone out there would like to find out more information about this event, or would like to contribute to this event, you can contact Steve Marney at 630-532-8352 or email me at drdry@comcast.net.  Any contributions can be sent to: Jayne and Donna B.C. Fund  c/o Community Bank of Downers Grove, 1111 Warren Ave. Downers Grove, IL. 60515. If you have any items to donate to the silent auction, you can contact Steve Marney for shipping or mailing instructions. All donations are tax deductible.

Why am I doing this? In addition to losing two very close women in my life this past year, I had a void that needed to be filled. I have been depressed this past two years. Nothing I did seemed to help me feel better about my life. There was something missing. Taking a vacation didn’t make me feel better, spending money didn’t make me feel better, and a girlfriend or new car were definitely out of the question. That’s just not who I am. The one thing that I finally discovered that did make a difference in my life was the gift of giving. The one piece of advice that I would give to everyone that is depressed is, give from your heart!  There is no better medication for the soul and spirit than to give to others. To make a difference! Peace!

Men Against Breast Cancer

My first thoughts drifted to a beautiful woman, but not just any beautiful woman. She had to be special. I thought wow! Maybe Pamela Anderson. She’s a beautiful woman, but would I waste this opportunity on her? Maybe not. Then I thought about Angelina Jolee, she’s really a beautiful woman, isn’t she? Women like those two have always been a fantasy not only for me but for just about any guy with an imagination, right? Wait a minute here. It just occurred to me that once a fantasy comes true, (not that many do), you have not gained anything because you no longer have that fantasy. You have actually lost something in the deal. I then started thinking that rather than just a beautiful woman to have tea with, maybe she should be someone that’s accomplished in some way or another. That’s it! A beautiful woman that has made some definitive contributions to the world. Someone who has earned my respect. This line of thinking opened up a whole new train of thought for me. Does it have to be a beautiful woman, Steve? I mean the question was anyone in the world. I then thought about maybe President Reagan, (if he was still alive). Or, how about a movie star. No, most of them are so full of themselves that I would just be wasting my wish. Try as I may I just couldn’t think of anyone that would fill the bill. Why couldn’t I think of anyone that was worthy of a fulfilling a wish like this?

It was then that I realized there was someone worthy of this special wish. It was then that I knew why I couldn’t think of anyone else. It was then that I knew who I wanted to have a cup of tea with. Not only is this person beautiful, but she’s wise. She has made many contributions to the world and the world is a much better place with her in it. It was then that I decided that I was going to ask my wife, Patti to have a cup of tea with me.

Me, my friend Lyle, and Lyle’s brother, Marty had been looking forward to our annual deer hunting trip to southern Illinois for months. My preparation for the trip had started two months ago, in September. Lyle on the other hand had packed for the trip only a day or two prior to our leaving. This was not unusual though as Lyle is pretty busy with the demands of his job as a salesman. Lyle and I left his house at 6 am that morning and picked up Marty at his house on the way.

Our ride on the way to Union County was filled with talk of harvesting big bucks and celebration. It was a cool day with overcast skies. Just the kind of weather we had hoped for. We had heard of an impending cold front out west that was due to hit southern Illinois later that day. Just as we were about to arrive at our destination, it started to rain. Not a heavy rain, but a slow steady drizzle. The wind started to increase to 20 mph with gust to 30 mph. Normally this would not be a problem, but we knew that our hunting area on the Mississippi River had flooded just two weeks prior to our arrival.

When we arrived at the farm that we stay on, we got settled in our cabins, put all our gear in order for the next days bow hunt, and proceeded to have a couple of drinks as the rain fell harder. Our conversation turned to how the rain might affect our hunting plans. I was concerned that the deer would just lay down and not move as long as the rain continued. Lyle, being ever the optimist, was certain that the rain would stop and the deer would be moving sometime during the day. Marty agreed that although it would not be ideal conditions, the rut was in full swing and the bucks would not be deterred. We drove down to look at our hunting area and it was in bad shape. Although the flooding had receded, the fields were full of mud that was deposited by the flood waters.

Muddy field

4:30 am the next morning. We awoke to a windy morning. Although the rain had stopped by this time, the wind was now the enemy. We had some coffee, a bite to eat and dressed for the days hunt. We were happy the rain had stopped but had our reservations. It was still dark when we arrived at our hunting area. As we began to ready our equipment, the rain started to fall. Not a heavy rain, rather a slow, steady cold drizzle. Not to be deterred, we all headed to our pre selected stands. We sat in the rain all day long. Even though I had on my rain gear, by 10 am I was soaked and chilled to the bone. After waiting all year for this day to arrive I refused to be discouraged, but I was right, the deer were not moving.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

Day two started off very much like day one. Rain, wind, and cold.  Now normally, this would not have been a problem except for the fact that every step we took in the mud was a struggle as 5 lbs of the mud clung to each boot. When I arrived to my stand and started to climb the ladder, my muddy boots slipped on the ladder rung. I caught myself with my left arm by grabbing the rung. As I hung there, I heard a tearing sound and a sharp pain ran up my arm. I was able to steady myself and continue my climb up to the seat that was 18 feet off the ground. My arm bothered me all day long, but it wasn’t until I was in my cabin that evening that I saw the damage to my left arm and shoulder. I looked at my arm and the bicep muscle was gone. I had ruptured the bicep on my left arm. I suspected I had torn my rotator cuff as well which was later confirmed by a MRI.  We did have a couple close encounters on the second day, but no cigars. On Wed. morning, the third day of our hunt we arrived at our spot at 5:15 am. It was dark and we couldn’t see a thing. After preparing for the days hunt at the truck, we walked down to the road crossing the borrow pit. (Borrow pits were dug to construct the levee). To our surprise, the road was under two feet of water! It seems that the river was rising again and just over night the water had risen two feet! Me and my friend Lyle just looked at each other and couldn’t believe it. The access road that is so essential to reaching our stands was gone! The Greek God of water, Neptune, was being a real bastard!

Flooded access road

At that point, we believed our hunt was over. The shotgun season hadn’t even started yet, and we weren’t sure if would for us. We went back to the farm to see if we could get a boat somewhere and salvage the next five days. We found a boat, but the boat was a small 12′ john boat and was very dangerous for two people with all their gear to cross the fast moving flood waters. Lyle and I were debating whether or not to chance using the small boat when something happened that saved our hunting trip. In walked Robbie and Brandon Smithy. Two young men that taught a couple of old guys what sacrifice and selflessness really was. Rob and Brandon were the Nephews of Carlos Brown. Carlos Brown was an 88 year old farmer and hunt club owner that could teach the whole world what being a man was all about. Carlos was an honest and God fearing man. He was no stranger to hard work and dedication to family and friends, and the apple didn’t fall far from the tree when it came to his two Nephews, Rob and Brandon. I speak of Carlos in the past tense because he has since passed away. I will write more about this great man in a future post, but for now I’ll get back to the story at hand.

Rob and Brandon knew the danger involved in us using the small boat to cross the flood waters. They came to Lyle and I and told us that they would launch their boat (which was a much larger and safer boat) at our hunting area and take us across the flooded field to higher ground where our hunting stands were. They would drop us off and at the end of the day, come back and pick us up. What this equated to was this, they would sacrifice their prime hunting time in the early morning to make sure we were safe. By the time we were dropped off and they took the boat out and drove to their hunting area several miles down the river, launched the boat again and went to their stands, prime hunting hours were over. To a non hunter, this may not seem to be a big deal, but to us, it was the ultimate sacrifice. They had also waited all year for this day to come. The best chance anyone has to harvest a big buck is the morning of opening day. I would like to say that I would have done the same thing had the circumstances been the other way around at that time. Now, I know that I would. Thanks to a couple of young brothers from southern Illinois, I have learned the true meaning of generosity and sacrifice. 

Thanks to the Smithy's, our first day's harvest.

Dedicated to Carlos Brown (1921-2009)  Goodbye my friend, I’ll remember you always!

That night while lying in the hospital, I was thinking to myself, “how did I ever get here?”  ”I was too young, wasn’t I?” There were so many things going through my mind. I really didn’t know what to think. I do remember this strong feeling of denial at first. I kept thinking to myself, “how could this have happened?”  Maybe genetics? That’s it! I frantically tried to think of someone in the family with heart disease. Let’s see uhhhh…… I thought, and I thought, but there was nobody in my family who ever had heart disease. Well, it must have been the way I was raised then. The fact is, no, I didn’t have the best, most loving child life in the world, but how can that give you a heart attack at 56 yrs. old? OK, now I know. It was the stress I came under when I lost my job last year, and for a second there I really hated my old boss. Then I realized that many people have lost their jobs in the last year and they’re not dropping dead of heart attacks. So, what was it?

As the next few days went by, I had ample time to think about this question. Who did this to me? No matter where I tried to put the blame, it came back  flawed. I was frantic to find ’someone’ or ’something’ to blame my condition on.

On the third morning of my hospital stay, I woke up from a nap with a tear in my eye and this really bad feeling in my gut. I must have had a dream I thought. A bad dream. As I started to remember the dream, I began to feel worse and more tears began to flow. I don’t really know if it was truly a dream or an epiphany, but I knew that feeling of sadness so well. It was in that instant, I realized who was responsible for what had happened to me. All this time I was looking for someone to point a finger at, and all I had to do was look in the mirror. It was me all along. It was me who smoked cigarettes all those years. Me who felt entitled to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and yes, it was me who made the ‘decision’ to allow myself to become depressed and give up hope. I gained weight, became sedentary and got fat!  My life was reduced to one “bad decision” after another, and yes, I do say decision!

 I started this post a couple of months ago and I really didn’t know how to finish it, until yesterday.  I was watching a new program on TV called the Dr. Oz show. The topic was ‘being overweight’. There was a gentleman on the program that was morbidly obese. He had a heart transplant two years ago. It really angered me to see this guy because  rather than take this new opportunity at life, he has gained weight since the surgery! He weighs almost 500lbs.! Now, he’s crying on this show in front of the whole world that he can’t help himself. It is very difficult to feel any sympathy for this person.  Many of us have lost loved ones in an instant with no chance to say goodbye. They’re just gone. I wish my dad had a second chance at life. The point I am trying to make here is this, whoever we are and whatever happens to us is a direct result of the decisions we make. If you make a bad decision, own it!  It’s not because you’didn’t know. Sometime earlier, you made the decision to ‘not learn’. That’s why, ignorance of the law is no excuse. It’s our responsibility to learn . If you make a decision to ignore the fact that a bad diet is not good for you, then own the result. It’s not because you are bombarded by food commercials on T.V. It’s not because it’s ‘traditional’ to eat buttered popcorn when you go to the theatre. It’s because you ‘choose’ to abandon self control in these situations. The fact is, the more often you ‘choose’ to abandon self control, the easier it becomes to do so.

I do not want any sympathy from anybody. I chose my path many years ago and I own it!  Fortunately, I have been given another chance at a healthy life and unlike the gentleman I saw on TV, I am choosing to make the best of that second chance. I kind of look at this issue like I would look at the issue of natural selection. Only the strong are supposed to survive! If you make a decision to walk in front of a bus and get killed, you have just demonstrated a flaw in common sense, you are supposed to die, scientifically speaking ,of course. This is how the species gets stronger and smarter, as generations pass. It has been that way since the beginning of time. It’s not my desire to reduce this issue of bad health decisions to natural selection, but it does seem to me that the rule applies here. Make bad decisions, get fat, have a heart attack, die. In addition to this consequence, you have just weakened your genetic signature. If you had children, you have just passed on those genetic traits to them. The tendency to make bad decisions is learned by the body genetically as well as what we see from our parents. Although it may be too late for me to change my genetic traits and improve my genetic heritage, I will continue to be a positive example to my children and grandchildren until the day I die, which I hope is far down the road.

I would like to give an account of my experience in hopes of reaching some of you that feel so much like I used to feel. The truth is, if you say something to hurt some one’s feelings, you can always say you’re sorry and take it back, and all is well. If you damage some one’s property, you can always pay for the damages and all is well, but if you damage your own body, you can’t take that back. Heart disease is with you for the remainder of your life. The following is what happened to me on what had  been a normal Thursday evening.

I felt good all day. Worked in the garage, mowed the grass, and cleaned the house a little. A friend came over at the end of the day and had a couple of drinks with me. Tequila on the rocks. After Patti came home from work, my friend left and went home and I made dinner. After dinner, Patti and I sat down on the couch to watch a little tv. I grabbed an already half eaten bag of potato chips and finished off the remainder of the contents along with a Diet Pepsi. After a while, Patti went to bed as she was tired from a hard days work. Around 9:00pm, I grabbed a Popsicle from the freezer and took a bite. As I swallowed the bite of Popsicle, I had this strange sensation in my throat. Something like brain freeze only in my throat and chest. I thought that was strange, waited for it to subside so I could continue with my treat. After about 30 seconds, it started to go away. I was getting ready to take another bite when it came back. Only this time it hit me like a ton of bricks. My chest felt like an elephant was sitting on it. I felt my pulse and it was around 90 bpm. I sat there for a couple of minutes not wanting to admit that this was not an ordinary event. I soon went to the kitchen and took a couple of aspirin, just in case. Sat back on the couch not wanting  to alarm Patti with something that I was sure was going to go away in a couple of minutes. I didn’t think the pain could get any worse…… and then it did. As the pain worsened, I started to get pain in my jaw and arms. At this point, I began to come to terms with the possibility that this was something serious. I walked into the bedroom and woke Patti. Told her that I had severe chest pain along with jaw and arm pain. She jumped out of bed and called 911. From the time I walked into the bedroom to the time Patti called 911, the pain in my chest continued to increase to the point that I thought I was a goner. The last thing I remember before the ambulance arrived was grabbing Patti’s leg and telling her that if anything happened to me, I loved her. It took the paramedics 45 minutes to stabilize me before going to the hospital. The Dr.’s put two stents in my coronary artery on Thursday morning during an Angioplasty only to discover later that day that I have another area of blockage in the “left anterior descending artery” often referred to as the widow maker, as the Dr. put it. I go back in the coronary surgical unit Monday for another Angioplasty. In the meantime, I was kept in the hospital as they also discovered that there was some muscle damage to my heart.

What I would like to stress here is that a heart attack can and does happen in an instant. There is no warning. At least not that you would attribute to an event like this. Looking back, my body did give up some signs, but I ignored them.  Never thinking they were anything more than getting old and feeling a couple new minor pains. Of course we all know that little saying about hindsight, don’t we?

If you find yourself having a heart attack, you better pray! When you do pray, pray for your spirit and your soul, because it’s too late to pray for your body.

Fast forward 35 years. How things have changed. How I have changed. I’m 9 years from retiring and I’m very concerned about my future and the future of my grandchildren. A year ago, I was looking forward to retiring. Now, I don’t know if I ever can. We’ve lost so much of our retirement savings so far and it’s going to get worse. The fact is, I’m also concerned about the future of my country. We are approaching a breaking point in this country. Our debt is growing at an astronomical rate and I fear that our current administration is just adding more fuel to the fire.

I heard this morning that a new bill being proposed in congress will require that all small businesses either pay health insurance for their employees or pay a penalty to the government. Now some of you may be saying yes! It’s about time that business owners be required to provide health insurance to their employees! Now, I agree that this would be a good thing for those without health insurance, but as an ex- small business owner myself, this hits me in a way that many people might not be thinking of. If I still owned my business, and this law went into effect, I would be forced to fire my employees to protect myself. It used to be that in the 80’s and 90’s my business was able to survive on a 3% to 5% net profit margin. In recent years, I have seen that net profit dwindle to a negativenet profit. I blame this shift on several things. One being a surplus of new companies that are willing to do work at a decreased rate because they have little or no burden. They work from their homes, hire illegalimmigrants at reduced rates to do the work, and rarely pay the appropriate taxes. Who can compete with the undercut prices these companies can give their prospective customers? Getting back to the point at hand, it is my belief that I am not alone in the action I would be forced to take if this law goes into effect. We are looking at a 10% unemployment rate at present. Be prepared to see that rate jump sharply when this happens. The economy will fall flat on it’s face. Although this law is good intentioned, it will do just the opposite of helping those who need it the most. With all those people out of work, the administration will claim that it’s a good thing they passed this law when they did, now people won’t have to worry about getting the care they need just because they’re out of work. They will claim victory for coming to the aid of people that they put out of work to begin with.

This is why I say that young people should know the truth in politics. Not to claim association with one party or the other. Not to believe all the spin out there. Remember that any politician will try to spin the truth to their advantage. After all, most politicians are lawyers. You have all heard the old joke, “How do you know when a lawyer is lying? The answer, “When he’s talking” Don’t think that these politicians aren’t lying when they are trying to get elected. They will say whatever you want to hear to get your vote. Know the truth about party philosophy, not the candidate. It’s really just this simple, either your for taxes and big government, or control of more of your hard earned money and smaller government. I know that our last President has left a bad taste in many peoples mouths, but let’s see how bad that taste gets with the new guy.

We’ve all learned this in economics 101 in high school. Penalize people for being successful and you have less successful people to create new jobs. This is such a fundamental altruity, I don’t understand why people just don’t get it. Again, let’s see how they feel after 31/2 more years of destructiveness.

This I will say with all “honesty”. If you read something here, then it came from me. If you read something here that you read somewhere else, then that came from me as well. Just look at the dates of both post and don’t comment saying that you read that post somewhere else first. You may have read it somewhere else first, but that doesn’t mean that they wrote it first. To those that plagiarize, try as you may, you will never be the person you plagiarize. Sooner or later, you will be discovered as the fraud you are. How embarrassing! 

“About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgement.”                           - Josh Billings

Who nurtures you back to health when your ill? Who do you look forward to coming home to every day after work? Who comforts you when you need a shoulder to lean on? Who gave you life? who gives you the two greasest gifts of all, themselves and your children? Whether it’s your mother, your wife, or your daughters, what is more important to a man then the women in his life? Being loved by a woman is the very essence of our self worth. Being looked up to by our daughters, our sense of pride, and the unconditional love of our mothers that teaches us how to love others. I for one don’t know what I would do without the women in my life. Sure, sometimes these “women” can be a source of great iritation for us. Our wives argue with us, our daughters dissapoint us, and our mothers never stop mothering us. Who do they think they are anyway? I’ll tell you who they are. They are the most important people in the world. The nucleus of all human life. Without women, there would be no men, and there would be no world as we know it.

The question here is, how do we treat the women in our lives? These delicate creatures. Do we love them? Yes. Do we appreciate them? Yes. Do we cherish them? Yes. Do we open the door for them? Yes. We do these and many more things to show the women in our lives that we care, that we know how important they are to us.

So, the next time one of the women in your life does something to upset you, just take a deep breath, count to 10, or whatever it takes, smile and say, ” you know I love you, right?”

“Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it consist principally of dealing with men.”    - Joseph Conrad

Now, we skip to present day. People are talking on the phone, putting on makeup, reading the newspaper, and eating. Most of the time they are totally unaware of the other cars on the road. They are so wrapped up in their activities while driving and themselves, they are oblivious to what’s going on around them. Plain and simple, they just don’t care. Did you ever stop and think that the only reason some people tailgate is because they are in a hurry and those in front of them just won’t move over and let them by. It’s my position that tailgating would not exist if people would just stay focused on the driving and show some driving courtesy. How do you know why the person behind you is in a hurry? Maybe a loved one was rushed to the hospital while having a heart attack. Maybe their kid is sick and they have to get home. Maybe they received a call that their house is on fire. You don’t know, and why should you care? Who appointed you to be the ambassador of traffic control? We’ve all heard on the news about people being shot or run off the road in a road rage incident, haven’t we? It’s also my position that bad things usually don’t happen to good people. If some does run you off the road, nine times out of ten, you provoked the incident. Not that the person who does something like that is justified in doing so, it’s just plain wrong to put others in danger or react so violently, but it does happen. The fact is, nobody gets shot for being a courteous driver, they get shot for being a jerk. Don’t slam on your brakes when somebody wants to get by and is tailgating, you will only infuriate them. You will provoke them to go one better as payback. Move over and let them by! This is how normally good people find themselves in a dangerous situation. It’s like they’re saying, I own this space and your not getting by me!!!!! My dad told me something a long time ago, “Don’t ever put yourself in front of some body’s anger”, and “Don’t add fuel to the fire”. We may not like it when someone is speeding, but it’s none of our business. Let the police deal with them. Don’t let your pride over rule your better judgement. Stay safe, be courteous, and mind your own business. Your family needs you.

I’ve seen people jump out of their cars ready to fight right there. I see people give others the finger all the time, and I’m talking about both men and women. Their lack of respect for others is the very trigger for road rage. 99 times out of a 100, it’s just a verbal exchange and it’s over, but sooner or later, someone will react with violence. Then the victims will cry, “I didn’t do anything, they just ran me off the road for no reason”! No reason?! I don’t think so. Most victims bring this on themselves. Had they just moved over or not given someone the finger, they wouldn’t be a victim. It’s the law of Physics, for every action, there’s a reaction.

So, the next time someone gives you the finger, ignore it. They are their own worst enemy. The next time someone is tailgating you, let them by. They don’t want a problem, they just want to get past you. Live and let live!

“Good driving is cooperative, not competitive; it is better to be outdone than outlived”

As an example, here’s the kind of crap I’m receiving.

Zane chided vicodin points toward alphagan just fine meclizine not done nicotine crack open sildenafil touched his amaryl fine seaweed penicillin notorious device clonidineome were propranolol doubt about plendilpon occasion famvir ones has estradiolith two remeronolph takes levothroid pushed closed accolate too thick sumatriptanolph watched viagraurgatory and pantoprazole would have vicoprofen direction the risperdal form changer artist.

What the hell is this! Are all these people dyslexic? I’d be happier than a hooker in a field of dickweed if someone would just shoot these idiots. The really stupid one’s are in Russian or some language like that. Good read, buddy! I have a hard enough time understanding “Ebonics” let alone this gibberish.

O.K., I just took a seditive. I’ll settle down before I offend somebody with thin skin. Ooops! I shouldn’t have said that.

I started this post last week. Came down with the Flu or something like that. Maybe I should have ordered some “medicine” from one of these guys. Still feeling less than 100%, but I need to get this post out there for national security. Cough! Before I go, I just want to say this last thing.

GET A LIFE & STOP MAKING MINE MISERABLE!

He was only two years old when his parents were divorced. What did he know? Only that his Daddy was no longer there for him. Soon, another male figure appeared in the home. At first this other man was nice to him, but as time went on, things started to change. He doesn’t really remember when, all he can remember is fear. A terrible thing for a two year old to recognize as his earliest memories. He was a bed wetter. Probably the result of him feeling abandoned by his father. Or maybe because he was also being beat up and picked on by his older brother who was also psychologically damaged by their parents divorce. In any case, and for whatever reasons, fear and anger were all he knew. One of his particular first memories was being woke up in the middle of the night being whipped with a belt for the bed wetting. Little did his family know that this was only the beginning of what would turn out to be a lifetime of physical and psychological torture and intimidation. Instinctively, he learned first how to survive.

He stood by and watched his mother and step father argue all the time. Lesson learned. All those who were older than him, his mother, his step father, his older brother, were angry all the time. Lesson learned. They used bad language, cheated on school test, drank alcohol, became violent, smoked cigarettes, lesson learned. He suffered merciless beatings from his step father and older brother, lesson learned.

All he knew were anger,violence, and hate! By the time he was five years old, he was picked up over his step fathers head and thrown against the wall, beat with a mans fist with full force, watched his mother suffer the same beatings he learned to withstand, and fear so deeply ingrained within him that he would begin to shake when he woke up in the morning. He hated his own existence. The years went by and nothing changed. He was pistol whipped and scarred at fourteen by his step father. His mother carried many scars on her face as well, but the worst scar of all, was the scar in his soul.

As he grew older, the lessons he learned as a child began to manifest in his own behavior. He became a bully. Always fighting someone, often for no reason other than to be what he was taught to be. He started to smoke at fourteen. He had no morals, so he became a thief, a liar, a cheat, he had learned his lessons well. None of the popular kids liked him, and why should they? This only stirred the anger within him. He began to search out the other “bad” kids in his neighborhood. His first experience with drugs came earlier than for most. Always searching for something, anything that would make him feel better, forget who he was, who he had become, where he came from. Something to fill the void of loneliness and betrayal. This is not who he was meant to be! He knew deep, deep inside him that he had to change his life. Fortunately, there was something inherent within him, something that grew a little stronger every day. There was a battle going on inside him. On one side was his learned behavior, on the other was the person he was supposed to be. Whether it was genetic or something else, he didn’t know. All he knew now was that he was changing. He wanted to be a better person, but didn’t have the skills to accomplish changing who he was just yet. He quit school at 16 and moved out of the house. He was now on the street. He struggled every day to control his anger. This was an emotion that was instilled in him at such an early age, but he didn’t give up like most people with his background would have. He joined the Army at 17 and started his life over again. He married, had a child, felt a little better about life, but his learned behavior still reeled it’s ugly head all too often. He would argue with his wife and yell rather than talk. He would still fight at the drop of a dime. He knew he was wrong and tried every day to change what was so deeply ingrained within him.

It’s been a life long battle for this little guy. And eventually, all his efforts began to bare fruit. He became a generous, loving grandfather. But, nothing ever comes easy. All those years it took him to finally change did not come without a price. By exposing his child to his own anger and rage all those years, he succeeded in passing that anger down to his only child. Who can blame this child? She became a product of her environment just like her dad had.  He blames himself every day for not providing her with the kind of childhood that all children deserve. If only he could do it all over again………. Lesson painfully learned. By the way, after becoming an adult, he didn’t blame his step father any longer for the way he was raised. He began to understand that this was the very way his step father was raised. Instead of continuing to hate this man, he felt sorry for him. He understood that instead of receiving the love and trust that we all want from our children, this man had cheated himself out of this wonderful feeling and experience by repeating the cycle of violence that he himself had suffered as a child.

You must realize that your children are an extension of you. If you smoke, odds are that your children will. If you swear in front of your children, they will swear. If you don’t respect your children now, how will they be able to respect themselves later? If you argue and fight in front of your children, your children will think this is normal behavior, and the mate they choose may, and probable will, argue with and abuse them. What you teach your children now, will not only effect your children, but it will effect your children’s children, and yes, even their children. What you do now will live on for generation after generation. I ask you this question; How do you want to be remembered? Or, will you be forgotten? What will your legacy be?

When will the cycle stop?  When will parents start taking responsibility for what their children say and do? If your child is five years old, the person they will become is already in them. You have either been a great role model for them, or, you have not. You must control your anger in front of your children. If you must punish them, do so with love, not out of anger. Punish them because what they did was wrong, not because they made you mad. They will understand this, and the lesson will be learned.

As a post script, There are those that use this abusive upbringing as an excuse to be weak. They commit crimes like rape and child abuse. They say they do those things because they were abused as a child. I don’t buy it! At some point and time in every body’s life, we make a choice. We decide to continue the cycle of violence or take control and change our lives, and those lives that we have such a profound effect on. No one understands the pain that abused people have suffered more than me, but this is a decision. You don’t have to be a victim if you choose not to be.

The one common denominator I found with a majority of the blogs I read, including my own, is, they are boring! Yes, most of the content held some useful information, but I was just amazed at the lack of creativity. Most were like reading a tax document, and the spelling and punctuation were appalling! Don’t people proof read what they write? Check the spelling? Make sure that the sentences flow together? How can you keep someones attention when they are laughing at your spelling? “Hey Pa! I thunk he gots brain lock agin!”

What is all this leading to? I’ve decided to change the content of  “The Concrete Truth”. Instead of writing about all the boring facts of concrete and the concrete industry, I’m taking on the world! Batman I’m not! I consider myself more like The Little Hulk. I’m not green, (hell, I don’t even have green), I don’t have big muscles, (not even the one that counts), but I am angry! I’m angry about the way women are treated by people who say they love them! I’m angry about taxes! I’m angry when I run out of Scotch! I’m angry about the lack of morals in this country! I’m angry that my grand children can’t go outside and play down the street like I used to before I discovered masturbation! And yes, I’m angry when I see someone stick a finger in his nose and eat his boogers! The names will not be changed to protect the innocent. Only the truth, as seen through the eyes of someone who can’t read without glasses. Will I piss people off? I hope I do! The truth only hurts those who don’t live it. There’s an old saying, “Anger is an uncontrolled feeling that betrays what you are when you are not yourself.”

Do I identify with the angry right? Sometimes……..

Do I identify with the good intentioned but sometimes just damn wrong left? On some issues……..

If you are not looking for provocative, sexy, and daring, then don’t come here! On the other hand, if you have a sense of humor and find you are bored with the average senseless rantings of other bloggers, then welcome friend! Have a seat, grab a beer, and enjoy the show.

My first post will be on “What do you teach your kids? ” Or, what not to teach them!